Out of Reach
by carlisleismybaby
Summary: Bella and Carlisle have been best friends since they were in diapers Bella is in love with Carlisle but he is too blind to see how will Bella handle high school being in love with him trying to keep her friendship and a new guy full summary inside
1. Dear Journal

******_Bella and Carlisle have been best friends since they were in diapers. Bella is in love with Carlisle but he is too blind to see that. How will Bella handle high school, being in love with Carlisle, trying to keep her friendship with him, and a new guy. Will Carlisle notice her love for him in time or will he lose her to another guy......_**

**Dear Journal**

Here I am another day sitting all alone writing in my journal thinking "Why Me." I mean what did I do to deserve this feeling of loneliness. I look out at all the kids laughing and playing in the streets without a care in the world. I remember those days where I could just be me but now, now I don't know who I am. I can look in a mirror but that doesn't mean I like who I see.

I have changed so much over the years. I use to be this outgoing fun loving girl but now well I don't know who I am. I barely leave the house. The only time I do is to go to school. My mom always tries to get me to go out and have fun but have fun with whom.

All the kids my age hate me well all except one and that's my best friend Carlisle. He literally is my angel in disguise. We have been friends since we were in diapers. He has been there for me just as I have for him. If it wasn't for him I most likely wouldn't be here right now.

Carlisle is the popular jock, the guy all the girls dream of. He is 6'5 very muscular, medium length blonde hair with the purest green eyes I have ever seen. I will admit I was in love with him but I could never tell him that. He would think I meant best friends love not lovers love. I mean what could he possibly see in ugly duckling Bella Swan.

I was 5'9 a little on the pudgy side with long brown hair and brown eyes. I was nothing spectacular. I always wondered why someone like Carlisle stuck around but I never voiced it in fear he would leave then I would be all alone. I can see Carlisle walking up my driveway. It's our Saturday ritual, he comes over I make us breakfast and then we do something fun.

We have been doing this since I could remember. I open the door to let him in. I smile at him in greeting. I always look forward to these days because well this is the only day I have something fun to do. I look at Carlisle to see that he hasn't smiled back nor has he moved. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like this. "Bella I'm sorry but can we reschedule today. Esme wants me to help her move some stuff."

Oh yes Esme the queen bitch. Esme was miss popular she had long brown hair blue eyes and was head cheerleader. She has hated me ever since she found out that Carlisle and I are best friends. She along with her bitches Alice, Rosalie, and Tonya have made my life a living hell. Oh and lets not forget the bitches boyfriends Jasper, Emmett, and Edward.

I never saw what Carlisle sees in those jerks but I guess since her never sees what they do to me he has no reason to dislike them. They always torment me when Carlisle isn't around. "Sure Carlisle." I give him a sad smile before closing the door. I can feel the tears falling down my face. In all our years he has never missed a Saturday.

I just hope I'm not losing my best friend.

**A/N**

_**Ok here is my new Carlisle and Bella story….It is completely different than my other one but I think it will be an enjoyable change….As you can see Bella and Carlisle are both in high school along with Esme, Alice, Rosalie, Tonya, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward…..Esme, Alice, Rosalie, Tonya, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward are playing the bullies who like to pick on Bella because she is different and well because Esme is jealous of her friendship with Carlisle n what Esme says goes….I brought Tonya into this story bc Edward needed someone n who better than her….I know Esme bad again but what can I say I like this change….I like evil Esme better than nice mom Esme…..Call me crazy…..Others will appear in this story and when they do I will let you know when it comes time to….It is going to be awhile before Bella and Carlisle get together…..Hopefully you all enjoy it….so until next time be safe…..Oh n I own nothing but the plot characters belong to Stephanie Meyers….**_


	2. Finally Its Summer

**Finally It's Summer**

It was finally summer which meant next year is my last in that hell hole called high school. Then I will be off to college hopefully. Since its summer that means its time for our annual trip. Every summer Carlisle and I go away for two weeks. I always look forward to these trips. I am especially looking forward to this one since we haven't spent anytime together the past few weeks. He has been busy with Esme and the goons.

We decided to go to Hawaii this year. I can't wait we leave in 4 days. My parents took me shopping yesterday for the stuff I will need. Our doorbell rang then a few minutes later I hear my mom yell "Bella, Carlisle is here to see you." I walk down to see the love of my life/best friend standing there with a grim expression. I have been seeing that look a lot lately. "Hey Bella can we go out back and talk." I lead him to our backyard. We sit in a couple of chairs.

I look at him and notice him trying to find the perfect way to state what he has to say. "Just spit it out Carlisle." He sighs "Bells, Esme's family invited me to their vacation home in Hawaii. We can still hang out and stuff. I just wont be staying at the hotel with you, that's all." I could feel the tears but I held them in. "Its fine Carlisle go have fun with your girlfriend. Don't worry about me I will be just fine." I ran up the stairs to my room.

As soon as my door closed the tears fell down. Well there goes my summer. Carlisle tried to call but I ignored his calls. I was slowly losing my best friend. I didn't leave my room since he left. I heard a knock on my door. "Bella can I come in." It was my dad Charlie Swan. He was the Chief of Police here in Forks. "Sure dad." He came in and sat down on my bed. "So what's wrong kiddo?" Out of my parents I was closest to my dad. My mom was always busy with her business. She was a wedding planner. She got business coming from everywhere even celebrities. She was great at her job.

"I feel like I'm losing Carlisle. He is staying with Esme at their vacation home in Hawaii. Dad that trip was supposed to be for us, me and him. I figured it would be good since I haven't been seeing him on our Saturdays like usual." The tears came back again. "Oh baby girl come here." I got on my dad's lap and put my head on his shoulder while he rocked me back and forth until I stopped crying. What can I say I'm daddy's little girl.

"He wiped away my tears before he spoke "baby girl I am sure you haven't lost Carlisle. You two have been friends for too long and I can't see him letting some girl come between the two of you. But if you feel strongly about this then maybe you should talk to him about and let him know how you feel. Keeping it inside Bells is not a good idea. I love you baby girl." He kissed me then sat me on my bed before he got up to leave. "Thanks. I love you too daddy." He smiled before he left my room.

He was right I did have to talk to Carlisle about this. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text asking if he would come by so we could talk. He replied he would be by in a few minutes. When I heard the doorbell I made my way down the stairs. I saw him standing there. I took a deep breathe before I led him outside. We sat in silence for a while not knowing who should speak first. "Bella I'm sorry. I should have said no." I sighed. "Carlisle it's not that well it does have something to do with it but for the past couple of months I felt like I'm losing my best friend. When was the last time we have even had one of our normal Saturdays or the last time we actually talked to one another. Ever since you got together with Esme I haven't really seen my best friend. I'm losing you and I fell like there is nothing I can do about it" the tears were falling but this time I didn't try to hide them. Carlisle came and wrapped me up in his arms.

"Bells I didn't know you felt this way. You are not losing me. We have been best friends since we were in our diapers. I guess I have been a little wrapped up in Esme but I promise you it is all going to change. I will decline the offer to stay at the vacation home. We are going to have a blast in Hawaii, watch and see." He kissed my cheek. "I believe you Carlisle" I smiled a true smile. We stayed like that for a while just talking. He left to go tell Esme the change of plans. I have Carlisle back.

5 days later

We have been in Hawaii for a day so far. Carlisle has kept his promise so far. We have been hanging out all day. Esme and her goons are here but so far the have stayed away.

A few days later

I should have known it was too good to be true. Now the only time I see Carlisle is in the morning before one of the goons come to get him or at night before I go to bed. So far this trip has been a waste of time. Right now I was sitting on some rocks staring out into the water. This has been my place to come since I had nothing else to do. We still have over a week to go.

"Why the sad face beautiful?" a guy with dirty blonde hair and crystal blue eyes said besides me. "Are you talking to me?" I asked dumbly as I openly ogled the man. He chuckled softly "There is no one else here beautiful." He came and sat next to me. I could feel my cheeks burning up from embarrassment. "So care to tell me why a beautiful girl as you is sitting here all alone." I looked around to see if the goons were anywhere close by because this had to be some sort of trick. No one and I mean no one has called me beautiful before.

"Why are you talking to me?" I had to know if it was some kind of sick joke. "Well I saw you sitting here and I thought to myself that I should come talk to this beautiful girl so here I am" I could see the truth in his beautiful blue eyes. I ended up telling him about Carlisle and how he hasn't been around I also told him about ice bitch and her goons. I don't know why but I felt comfortable around him like I could trust him. "Well beautiful it's his lost and my gain. So what's your name?" I smiled "Bella and yours?" he smiled back "The name fits you. I am James. It's a pleasure to meet you beautiful. So how about I take you out to eat and get to know you more." I blushed before nodding.

He held out his hand which I took. Over the next couple of hours I got to know James. He was going into his senior year. Him and two of his friends decided to take one last vacation together because he was moving since his dad got a job offer he couldn't pass up. He didn't know where yet. When I started to get tired he walked me up to my room. "I had fun beautiful. I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight" he kissed my hand. "Night James" I waved by before I went into my room. I changed before getting into bed. I thought about my day. I grabbed my journal; I had to write about this day.

James was about 6'4 muscular thanks to the sports he played. He was fun, charming, and very attractive. So I wonder why he talked to me, plain old Bella. Plus he kept calling me beautiful, it had to be some kind of joke or something. But he seemed like he actually liked me. I mean he didn't seem like he had an agenda. I guess we will have to wait and see. I hope he is a good guy because I really needed someone in my life since Carlisle is slowly fading away. Sleep came quickly for me that night.

It was the last day of my vacation and here I am at the same spot I met James. Over the past week I hung out with him getting to know one another better. He made this trip enjoyable for me. "So beautiful today is our last day together" I was sad to say goodbye to James. He became my confidant, my friend over these last two weeks. "I'm going to miss you" I wanted to cry but I held it in. "We will see each other again. I promise" he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the lips. It was sweet plus it was my first kiss. We sat in silence of the day just watching the sunset.

He walked me back to my room. "Keep in touch beautiful. I will see you again. Bye Bella" he gave me another tender kiss on the lips. "Bye James" I watched him go. I wish I knew then that I will be seeing him soon.

The next day Carlisle tried to talk to me but I ignored him like he did all vacation. My heart broke knowing I lost my best friend and the love of my life. At least I have James.

**A/N**

_**Thank you all for the love and support so far….would love more reviews but I wont complain….at least I have some….I have brought in Bella's parents…..I kept Charlie's job the same bc I cant see him as anything else….I decided to give Renee a job gives her a reason why she isn't really around…..I love when Bella and Charlie have a nice father/daughter relationship…..I brought in James bc Bella needs someone and who better to have than James…..He is going to be around for a while at least until Carlisle figures out what he wants and until he gets his act together…..Bella and Carlisle are about to hit a rough patch and have a lot of things to work out….Like I said before its going to be awhile before they get together…..Hope you all like this chapter….I know the first was short but from now on they will be a little longer….until next time review and stay safe….and Happy Mothers Day to any mothers that are reading this…..**_


	3. Back To The Hellhole

**Back To The Hellhole**

Over the summer Carlisle tried to get our friendship back on track. We even started back our Saturdays. Our friendship is still a little shaky but it's getting better. I kept in touch with James through email, text, and phone calls. He spent most of his summer moving and packing. I kept asking him where he moved to but he wouldn't tell me, he would change the subject. I guess he didn't want me to know. Oh well.

Today is the first day back, at least now I am a senior. I just have to get through this year then I was out of here. I stood in front of my car staring at my personal hell wishing this year to go by fast. "I see you're still as beautiful as ever." I turned to see James standing there with a big smile on his face. "James." I yelled before jumping on him. He laughed before giving me a big hug.

"It's good to see you again beautiful." He kissed me lightly on the lips. "Why didn't you tell me you moved here?" I pouted as he laughed. "Because I wanted it to be a surprise." "It is definitely a surprise. I'm so glad you're here. Now this year won't suck as bad." I led him to the office so he could get his schedule. We had most of the same classes except one I had gym while he had football. I could see all the girls staring at him but he paid no attention to them.

I saw Carlisle by his locker alone. I pulled James over. "Carlisle I want you to meet James. James this is Carlisle." Carlisle turned to face us. "So this is the James you told me about. It's nice to meet you" he stuck out his hand to shake. James took it a little hesitantly. "Same" was all he said. James wasn't a big Carlisle fan ever since what happened in Hawaii. Even though I have forgiven him it seems James hasn't. "Well we better get going to class. I will talk you later Carlisle." "Ok Bells, bye James" James just nodded.

I grabbed his hand and led him to our first class. The day was going good no one has bothered me but like always all good things must come to an end. "Well well well what do we have here? Its fatso." I could hear their laughter behind me. I refuse to turn around and let them get to me. I kept walking to the lunch room. James went ahead of me since I had to use the restroom, big mistake. "So Bella did you have fun on your vacation with Carlisle. Oh wait that's right he was with me the whole time. I mean who would want to spend their whole vacation with someone like you."

I heard their laughter follow them as they walked away. Once I knew they were gone I let the tears fall. I know I shouldn't let them get to me but I can't help it. I slid to the ground and cried. That was how James found me a few minutes later. "Beautiful what's wrong?" he sat down beside me and pulled me into his lap. "I'm not beautiful, I'm nothing" I started to cry harder into his chest. James pulled me back and stared straight into my eyes. "Bella listen to me. You are beautiful and you are something. You an intelligent beautiful funny woman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I wiped my tears and stood up. "I I am so great then why doesn't Carlisle want me" I heard him sigh as he got up too. "Because he is an idiot who doesn't know how great a girl you are." I didn't know what to say. That was the sweetest thing anyone has said to me.

"Thanks James" I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Anytime beautiful. So do you want to go to lunch or go somewhere else?" we ended up going outside to the bleachers. James had me tell him what made me cry so I told him what Esme said to me. He told me to forget about it that it wasn't worth my time. Having James to talk to was nice. I never could tell Carlisle because he wouldn't believe me. "Hey Bells what you doing out here?" I looked down to see Carlisle. "I wanted to sit outside today" he smiled. "Bells can I talk to you for a minute?" I looked at James who nodded. I got up and walked to where Carlisle was. "What's up?" "Well you know it's my year to throw the back to school party so I wanted to invite you and James" oh joys the back to school party. I have never been to one even though Carlisle always tries to get me to. Why go when you know no one likes you.

"I don't think" he interrupts me. "Come on please Bells. It's out last year plus I really want you to be there" he gives me his puppy dog face knowing I can't resist. I sigh "ok fine we will be there." He pulls me into a hug "great so I guess I will see you on Friday at my house 9pm." I nod my head. As soon as he is gone James joins me. "So what did he want?" I looked at him "to invite us to his back to school party on Friday." "So are you going?" "I said I would and you are coming with me no excuses" he laughed. "Of course beautiful."

The rest of the day went by uneventful. It was finally time to go home but James wanted me to stay and watch him practice. I have never stayed before because of them but I decided that I would just for James. Wow am I finally moving on from Carlisle. No I will never stop loving him but maybe it's time for me to get a life outside of Carlisle. I make my way to the field when I come across the bitch squad. "What are you doing here fatso?" I don't get a chance to answer because James takes the liberty.

"I asked her to come watch and support me. Hey beautiful" he kisses me right there in front of everyone. I can see their mouths hanging wide open. This was the best kiss ever. I could see something flash in Carlisle's eyes but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I watched James practice and must say he is really good. After practice I waited for him to finish changing.  
I'm shocked to see you here Bells." I turn to see Carlisle standing behind me "James asked me to." I could see the same emotion from earlier past through his eyes again, it looked like hurt. "Are you ready to go beautiful?" I shake my head. "Bye Carlisle" "Bye Bella"

I still couldn't get that look out of my head as I walked to my car. Why would he be hurt? Did I do something wrong? So many questions with no answers. "A penny for your thoughts beautiful" I forgot James was with me. "It's nothing" he didn't look like he believed me but let it go. "If you say so, I will call you later. Bye Bella" he kissed me on my cheek before getting into his car. I sighed then got into my car and drove home with Carlisle on my mind.

The rest of the evening I thought about Carlisle and the kiss. My head felt like it was going to explode with all my thought working in overtime. I went to bed with a major headache. Why do guys have to be so difficult? I woke up the next morning looking like death. I barely got any sleep because my mind was too active to allow sleep to come. I got dress then made my way to school. As soon as I pulled in and turn my car off, James and Carlisle were by my door. James looked ready to kill and Carlisle looked pleased. What is wrong with this world? I sighed before grabbing my stuff. I got out the car and was immediately pulled into a hug "hello beautiful."

He gives me a kiss on my cheek. I gave him a smile which looks more like a grimace. His face turned into one of concern. "You ok Bella you don't look so good" I try to smile again. "I'm ok James just didn't get much sleep. Hello Carlisle" I turn to Carlisle who looked deep in thought. "Hey Bells" he smiles a small smile. "So is there a reason why both of you are here waiting for me?" Carlisle seems to snap out of his thoughts then. "Yes I wanted to see what you were doing after school today" I raise my eyebrows at that. I wonder what's going on. "I didn't have anything planned then again I never do" I frown at that thought. "Do you mind if I come over after practice?" hmmm now I am really curious. "Sure" what is going on? "Ok see you then. Bye Bells" I wave bye to him. I turn to James who has a frown on his face. "Bella are you sure you're ok?" I smiled a real smile at him. He was so caring and sweet. "I'm fine James really. I just didn't sleep much that's all. Come on let's get to class before we are late: he nodded but I could tell he was still worried.

The day went by ok. I kept getting death glares from the bitch squad but that's nothing new. After school I opted to go home instead of stay and watch James practice. I figured I could get some homework done and maybe take a nap before Carlisle came over. I was just drifting to sleep when the doorbell rang. I got up to answer it. I let Carlisle in then led him up to my room. I sat on my bed waiting for Carlisle to start the conversation. "I don't like him" I knew my face was showing confusion at the moment. He must have noticed because he elaborated "James" What is going on? "Why?" he sighs before he starts to pace. "Come on Bells seriously how well do you know him. You meet him on vacation then he so happens to move here and now you are going to football practice. He is changing you plus I don't get to see you anymore" throughout his rant my anger kept rising.

"James has been a better friend to me then you have been lately. Yea I may not know everything about him but I am slowly learning. So what if I am changing. It's a good change. James is giving me the confidence to be me. He makes me feel beautiful. He doesn't treat me like the fat ugly girl. The reason you don't see me anymore has nothing to do with my friendship with James it has everything to do with you always being with Esme. You are the reason our friendship is falling apart."

I stop to take a breath. I was furious with him for putting all the blame on James. "Bella can't you see he is using you. You deserve better, you can do better" where is all of this coming from? "No I can't. Do you see a line of guys beating down my door asking for a date? No! I'm not the beautiful, sexy girl guys like you go after. James isn't using me, he likes me for me" I could feel tears falling. "Bells seriously how stupid can you be. He is using you" I cut him off "Stop just fucking stop. I don't know what the hell is going on with you but if you want to keep me as a friend then I suggestion you stop talking shit about James. I like James he has been a great friend to me. I don't have friends Carlisle. You're my only friend but lately you haven't been a good one. I don't like your friends or your girlfriend for that matter but I don't talk shit about them to your face because I know you like them. How about you give me the same respect and not talk shit about James" I take a deep breath before continuing.

I think you should leave before you damage our friendship even more. You are my best friend and you always will be but right now I don't know how I feel about you" I saw the hurt and tears in his eyes as he walked out of my room. I collapsed on my bed crying. What has gotten into Carlisle? Why was he acting this way? When did my life get so complicated? Staring at the ceiling with tears in my eyes was how James found me. I looked up when I felt the shift in my bed. "I guess things didn't go so good with Carlisle?" I shook my head before crying again. He took me in his arms whispering calming words in my ear. After I calmed down I replayed my conversation with Carlisle to James. When I was finished I looked up at James's face. He had many emotions splashed on his face.

"Bella I would never use you, I really do care about you. I would like this, us, to be more than friendship but I know you're in love with Carlisle so if friendship is all I can get from you then I will take it. You are a great person Bella and you deserve better than all of this" wow that was just the sweetest thing so I did something I have never done before I kissed him with all my might.

"I am willing to give this a try. I know I love Carlisle but he doesn't love me back and I have to accept that. I may not be good at this relationship thing but I want to try" he gave me the brightest smile I have ever seen before he crushed his lips to mine. It is time for me, Bella Swan, to have a life and that is what I plan on doing.

_**Thank you all for the reviews and support….I really appreciate them….sorry it took so long but been having computer problems hopefully it's all better now…..as for if James is a good guy or not in this story you are just going to have to wait and see I don't want to spoil anything….Bella and Carlisle had a disagreement so where does this leave their friendship…..and where does this new development leave James and Bella….oh so much is going to happen…..I can't wait…..next chapter is the party and I must say that things are going to get even more crazy……read review and until next time be safe…..**_


	4. Bella and James

**_Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up...Just been super busy but things have calmed some so I should be able to update more often now...I hope to have the next one in a week...It takes me longer with these chapters to get them right on this story I am extrememly picky and it takes me longer to get them just right...Anywhooooo here is the new chapter I hope you all enjoy...I cant wait to put the next chapter up...Read Enjoy and Be Safe..._**

**Bella and James**

Things were going great between James and I. I wish I could say the same thing about my friendship with Carlisle. Ever since that day in my room he has been avoiding me and to tell you the truth it hurts like hell. James keeps telling me that if Carlisle is my true friend then he will be happy for me but I can help to feel like this is somehow my fault. Today is his party and well I don't know if he wanted me to come or not since he has been avoiding me and all.

I worry that my friendship with Carlisle may be coming to an end and it kills me I miss him so much. I know I should be happy I finally have a guy who likes me for me but something's missing and that missing piece is Carlisle. Speaking of James he should be here soon. He thinks we should go to the party but I'm not so sure about going. What if Carlisle sees me and decides to kick me out or something? Why do things have to be so complicated? I miss when things were simpler. Yeah I didn't have a boyfriend then but I also didn't have a constant headache.

I hear the doorbell, I sigh before making my way downstairs to get the door. I open it to see James standing there looking hot like always. I usher him in before closing the door. He pulls me into his arms and presses his lips to mine. I'm still getting use to the fact that someone actually wants to kiss me. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip; I open up giving him access to my mouth. He explores the inside of my mouth dueling with my tongue as his hands move underneath the back of my shirt.

This is when I stop our kissing session. I pull back trying to catch my breath. Every time we make out I make sure his hands stay on the outside of my shirt, don't want him to feel the pudginess of my stomach. After I manage to catch my breath I speak "hello James. He smiles as he gathers me in his arms again "hello beautiful. So do you want to go to the party or would you prefer we stay here and find something to do?" The second option sounded so tempting but I made a promise to Carlisle. Even though he is avoiding me a promise is a promise. "We shall go" I know I sound dramatic but what can I say I had a bad feeling that something was going to happen.

When we arrived at Carlisle's house the party was in full swing. My bad feeling was still there but I decided to ignore it. We have been here for 30mins and Carlisle has yet to approach me, can't say I'm shocked. James leans down close to my ear so I can hear him over the loud music, "do you want something to drink?" I nod my head yes and watch him go to get something. As I am standing there I feel someone come stand besides me. It's Carlisle. He leans in just like James did and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. "Bella I need to talk to you. Come with me please" I sigh before saying yes.

I follow him to his room. It's been a long time since I have been up here. He sits on his bed patting the space besides him. I sit next to him and stare at a wall waiting for him to speak. "Bella look at me, I want to see your face when I tell you this." I can tell he has had a bit too much to drink so I have no clue what is going to come out of his mouth. "Bella I now know why I hate James so much. It's because I'm jealous of him. He was able to do what I was a coward to do and that's being with you. I love you Bella and always have."

No no no he is drunk and doesn't know what he is saying. "Carlisle your drunk and" but I don't get to finish because he has crashed his lips onto mine. Having him kiss me is like a dream come true so I kiss him back. I feel like I'm the queen of the world but then I feel guilt. James. I push Carlisle away from me then I slap him. He looks at me in shock as I feel the tears rolling down my face. I run from his room and out of his house. I can hear someone calling my name but I don't stop until get to my house. I collapse in front of my door out of breath. I can't believe he said what he said and the he kissed me. I kissed back. What am I going to do? What am I going to tell James? Why does my life have to be so complicated?

"Bella" I look up to see James standing in front of me. A new wave of tears falls down my face. James puts his arms around me comforting me. I don't deserve him or his comfort. "Beautiful what's wrong? I cry into his chest not wanting him to let go but knowing I had to tell him. I lift my head and look into his lovely concerned blue eyes. "I'm so sorry James" I choke out before I start to sob again. "Sshh Bell it's going to be ok. Everything's going to be ok. Just tell me what happened" I didn't deserve his compassion hell I didn't even deserve him. "I" I paused not sure how to tell him. "Just spit it out Bella you're starting to scare me." I pull away from him knowing that if I was going to tell him I needed to distance myself from him.

He frowned when I moved away from him. He attempted to come closer but I held up my hand to stop him. I sighed bracing myself for what was to come. "I'm going to tell you but promise me you won't interrupt" he nodded his head. I took a deep breath "when you left to get us some drinks Carlisle came up to me asking if he could talk to me. I said yes so we went up to his room. He told me he was jealous of you because you did what he was a coward to do and that's being with me. Then he told me he loved me and always have. I was about to tell him he was drunk and didn't know what he was saying but he cut me off by kissing me. I was shocked for a minute but then I kissed him back. I stopped immediately though. I pushed him away, slapped him then ran out the house crying. I'm so sorry James" I finished not daring to look up at James.

I knew I messed up and I know our relationship is over. Tears started to fall again. I guess I should have listened to my bad feeling. I felt a hand on my chin; I looked up into James blue eyes. I could see anger and pain in them. I gulped and tried to look away but he wouldn't let me. "I knew going into this relationship that I would be 2nd to Carlisle. I didn't care because I really liked you" I went to interrupt but he shook his head. "Let me finish. At first I was ok with that because I was with you but the more I got to know you the more I have fallen for you. Now I don't know if I can't be 2nd anymore Bella. I know you didn't mean to hurt me but it hurts like hell none the less. I want to be with you Bella, I really do but you need to figure out if I am the one you really want. If I'm not then its ok, it will hurt like a bitch but I will be ok. I want you to be happy and if that means letting you go than that's what I will do." He gave me a sweet peck on the cheek before he stood and walked away.

I got up off the ground and went upstairs to my room. I lay in bed not even bothering changing my clothes. I had a lot to think about. Carlisle has been my friend forever and I love him, have for a long time but lately he has been more worried about Esme then me but he did confess that he was in love with me. Even though he was drunk he meant what he said. My daddy always says a drunken man's words are his confessions. Then there is sweet James. Yeah I haven't known him for as long but he has always treated me like a real person. I know he cares for me just as I do for him. I have fallen for James deeply; hell he is willing to give up his happiness for my own. Ugh why must this be so difficult? I fall into a restless sleep.

I wake up in the morning feeling like shit. I didn't sleep just tossed and turned all night. I get up shower, dress, and have a small breakfast. I didn't know what I was going to do. I know they always say follow your heart but what if your heart is wrong. I think about everything that has happened so far. Carlisle or James, that's the million dollar question. Then something occurs to me I love him that's who I should be with. I hop out my chair and leave my house. I decide to walk since it was actually a pleasant day plus it gave me time to think about what I was going to say. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice I was here already. I was nervous but I had to do it. I rang that doorbell and waited. The door finally opened and there he stood.

"I need to say this before I lose my bravery so no interrupting. I choose you. I thought long and hard about everything that happened last night and you are the guy I want. I love you and I hope you want me" I hold my breath waiting for him to say something even if its go away I never want to see you again. Something's better than silence. "I love you too" he pulls me into his arms, I let out my breath. He pulls back a little so I am looking into his eyes "of course I want you too, beautiful" then his lips is on mine moving in perfect synch. I know in my heart that I made the right choice at least I hope.

James pulls me into his house and leads me to his room. We lay on his bed making out. The things he does to me. He removes his lips so we can catch our breath. I know he wants to talk "why did you choose me when you could have Carlisle? Not that I'm not happy you did but I just want to know." His hand was playing with a strand of my hair while the other supported his head while he looked down at me. He looked happy and a little shocked, can't say I blame him. "I chose you because I love you. Yes I love Carlisle and have for a while longer. I know I can have him now but why should I. I have waited so long for him to come around and notice me. You saw me for me the moment you laid eyes on me. You never hid your feeling and you never acted like I didn't exists. You are everything I want and need. Yes I still love Carlisle but I love you more."

I smile up at him then I yawned. The night before catching up to me "I'm sorry" I whispered embarrassed. He chuckled "I didn't get much sleep last night had a lot on my mind" he sighs before lying on his back and bringing me with him. I lay on his side curled up next to him. He wrapped his arms around me not wanting to let me go. "It's ok Bella get some sleep." He kisses me on the forehead before I drift to sleep. I woke up a little alarmed, I noticed I wasn't in my room and I had an arm around me. I look up to see James smiling face looking down at me. Then I remembered and smile back at him. He kisses me lightly on the lips before speaking "Good Evening, I ordered pizza figured you would be hungry." As if on cue my stomach grumbles. He laughs as he helps me up. We eat pizza and watched some movies. At around 9 I decide its time for me to go I had a stop to make. "I have to go talk to Carlisle." James didn't like the thought I could tell considering what happened last time. "I understand even if I don't like it but I was kind of umm thinking that maybe you would like to umm stay the night not that we have to do anything but I just well I don't want you to leave yet." He looks so cute when he is embarrassed.

I chuckle at him "its ok I understand and I would love to. How about you drop me off at my house, I will pack some clothes and stuff then I will go see Carlisle. When I am done talking to him I will come back here." He smiles oh how I love that smile. "Sounds like a plan to me." He kisses me. Yeah I made the right choice.


	5. Sorry

**I am so sorry about this….I know you all hate these because I hate them also but it is necessary sometimes….I am sorry that I haven't updated in a while but I am dealing with some family issues and I have family coming into town this coming up week to help with the problem….I just have time right now to put this up to let you all know what is going on….Thank you all who have written a review for my stories they mean a lot to me….They make my days better when I read what you all think about my stories….I will hopefully be back by next month….Hopefully you all will stick with me….Until then be safe….**


	6. Change Is In The Air

**Change Is In the Air**

I went to my house packed a bag then went to Carlisle's house. I was nervous because I didn't know how this conversation was about to go. I know the talk has to occur but I'm afraid I am going to lose my best friend. I have to do what I have to do, such an awful thing to say but it's what needs to be done. I finished packing left my parents a note then made my way to Carlisle's house. It took all my strength and will power to ring his doorbell. I waited for a few minutes before the door opened. There he stood in front of me with a smile on his face. I felt bad because I was about to take the smile off his face.

"Hey Bella" I put on a fake smile "hey Carlisle, can I come in?" "Sure" he opened the door wider so I could step in. My nerves were in overload. "Bella are you ok, you look like your about to pass out" that was an understatement. Come on Bella get it together you have to do this. "Carlisle we need to talk about what happened" I could see Carlisle tense up. Guess he wasn't expecting this so soon. Now is the time Bella, no chickening out, you can do this.

"Carlisle what happened upstairs in your room should not have happened, don't get me wrong I have always wanted something like that to happen but I was with James. Actually I am still with James. He knows what happened, we talked and he has forgiven me. I have loved you for so long hoping that one day you would want me but you never did until it was too late. I want us to continue to be friends but I would understand if you don't want to." I took a deep breath; it felt good to get that off my chest. Now the cards were in his hands.

Carlisle looked stunned like he wasn't expecting that, he took a deep breath before he began. "I see you have made your choice, I wish it was different but I understand why you chose him. I will back off for now and just settle for being your best friend but know this Bella that when I see an opening I will try to make you mine." I didn't know what to say to that. I was happy he was going to continue being my friend; I just hope things don't get out of hand.

"Well I need to get going; I just wanted to clear the air between us." I stepped up to him to give him a goodbye hug. He whispered in my ear "I will always love and I will make you mine one day." As I left his house that sentence stayed with me. What was I suppose to think about that. I made my way to James house. He was outside waiting for me so I ran up to him and kissed him with everything in me. Things were confusing but I made my choice and I had to stick with it. "Come on lets get you inside" he grabbed my bag and led me to his room. I was nervous this was new territory for me. I had never stayed the night with a guy that I was romantically involved with; then again this is my first real romantic relationship.

He put my bag down on the floor then he sat on the bed. I took a seat next to him. "So how did it go with Carlisle?" I didn't know if I should tell him everything or just what I thought he needed to know. "It went good he understands and is going to continue to be my friend. He promises to back off so I can be happy with you" I smiled liking my answer. "Well I am glad, so how about we watch a movie or something" I nodded "That sounds like a good idea" he took my hand and led me to where his movie collection was. I decided to pick a comedy; I needed a good laugh after all the drama lately. Lying in James arms watching a movie together was a nice change from everything that's been going on lately. Halfway through the movie my mind started to wander to what Carlisle said earlier.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I was startled to fell feather light kisses on my neck. "Bella you seem to be a million miles away. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" I sighed the turned to look at him. "I just have been thinking about what happened with Carlisle" he sighed "No thinking about Carlisle tonight lets enjoy us" he leaned in and planted his lips on mine. The kiss started out innocently but then it escalated. The things James makes me feel I don't know if anyone can ever make me feel like this. He deepened the kiss, I felt like I was going to explode with all these different emotions.

I decided to experiment so I started to move my hands under his shirt and across his chest. He let a moan escape his lips so that must mean I am doing something right. He moved so he was on top of me. His lips left mine and made a trail down my neck to my collarbone. A moan left my lips when his hands started to wander down my body then under my shirt towards my breast. This was all new to me, was I ready for this new step in our relationship. James stopped his movements and backed away from me a little so he could look me in my eyes.

"Bella I want you so badly right now but I know you are a virgin so if you're not ready for this then we can stop right now." He was so sweet for asking if I was ready for this or not. Am I ready to lose my virginity to James? I think I am so I leaned up on my elbows and gave him a peck on his lips. "I trust you James make me yours" he gave me the biggest smile I have ever seen before he captured my lips in a passionate kiss.

James pushed me gently back onto the bed then he took off his shirt and when I say baby got a body he got a body. Football does wonders for his body. I move my hands up and down his chest memorizing every muscle. He lets me explore for a little while before he removes my hands kissing them before wrapping them around his neck. He leans down and starts to kiss me slowly at first then his tongue pries my lips open. He explores my mouth make me moan with all the passion he is making me feel just with his lips.

His hands make his way to the helm of my shirt and he slowly starts to pull it up over my body. For the first time in my life I am allowing a guy to see me in my bra. James keeps eye contact with me as he slowly makes his way down my body. He pulls me up a little so he can unsnap my bra. I move to cover up my exposed chest but he stops me before I can. "Don't Bella I want to see you all of you" I blush but keep eye contact with him. He moves his mouth to my breast and I about come up off the bed. He takes one nipple into his mouth while his hands kneaded the other. Moans were coming out of my mouth loudly which made me embarrassed so I closed my lips tightly.

James stopped what he was doing which made me give him a confused look. "Now Bella no closing that pretty little mouth of yours I want to hear everything and I want you to be as loud as you want" then he attacked my breasts once more and I let him everything. He switched his movements taking my other nipple into his mouth and kneading the other. I could feel dampness in my panties so I started to rub my legs together which made me moan even more. I could feel James smile against me. He started to move his lips down my stomach which made me suck in my little pooch but I let go when he gave me a glare. James really did want to see all of me. He started to unbutton my jeans then slowly pulled them down my legs. Once they were off he kissed his way back up to my underwear. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of them then pulled them off my legs throwing them with all my other clothing.

He sucked in a breath as he just stood in front of me staring at me. I was starting to get nervous, did he like what he saw or was he disgusted, so many thoughts were running through my head at the moment. I was about to cover up when he lay back on top of me "Bella you are beautiful don't let anyone tell you any otherwise. I love you Bella I really do" I remember him telling me that when I felt bad about myself. He has always been there for me when I needed him most; I felt tears come to my eyes. "I love you too James" He gave me a sweet kiss while he wiped away the tears that fell from my face. The kiss heated up in no time. His hand started to make its way down my body to my most private possession. He slowly started to rub my clit making me moan at the new feeling.

"So wet for me just for me" he slowly inserted a finger and I nearly screamed at the feelings he was invoking in me. He moved his finger in and out of me slowly at first then he started to gain speed. He put in a second finger as I started to feel a tightening in my stomach. "Let go Bella cum for me beautiful" and I did as he instructed I let go of it all. My body lifted off the bed some and I felt something leave my body onto his hand. My breath was coming in short gasp as I watched him lick his fingers clean. "You taste heavenly" then he kissed me allowing me to taste myself on him. I have never thought I would like that but it turned me on. He removed himself from me so he could take off the rest of his clothes. "Are you sure about this Bella?" I smiled at him "I am sure James make me yours" He leaned down and kissed me while his hands were searching for something in his drawer.

I saw the condom rapper in his hands and I knew that this is it, I was about to lose my virginity. He slipped the condom on and positioned himself. "Bella this is going to hurt but I promise it will feel better after awhile ok just try and relax" I nodded my head. I took a deep breath. He slowly pushed his way into me I could feel him getting close to my hymen. He did a quick thrust and that's when I felt pain like no other. I could feel the tears leaking out of my eyes. I could hear him whispering "its ok Bella it will go away soon I promise. I love you Bella" I could feel it going away so I moved letting him know I was ready. His thrusts were slow then he picked up speed setting a rhythm. I could feel that same tightening in my stomach again.

His hand started to rub my clit again and I came undone once again. He gave a few more quick thrusts into me before my name escaped his lips. He collapsed on top of me and I welcomed the weight. We just stayed like that enjoying the aftermath of our lovemaking. He rolled over removing the condom throwing it in the trash then pulling me into his arms. "How do you feel beautiful?" I smiled "I feel amazing. Thank you James for everything not just tonight but for all the times you were there for me. I love you" he kissed my forehead "I love you too Bella. I will always be there for you" I gave him one last kiss before falling asleep in his arms.

**A/N**

_**I am sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out….I have had it done for a while but with school and personal things that have been going on I just haven't had the time to type it up and get it out to you guys….But here it is that long awaited chapter…..Bella and Carlisle had their talk so what is going to happen between them now….Will Carlisle keep his distance or is he up to something….Where does Bella and James relationship go from here…..Cant wait to get the next chapter done and out for you guys….I hope you all enjoyed this chapter….Until next time review and be safe…..**_


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